Author: E.L. Montes
Publisher by: Independent
Published on: May 8, 2014
Genres: Contemporary Romance, Romance
Page Count: 372
Schizoaffective disorder: a mental illness in which a person experiences a combination of mood disorder and schizophrenia symptoms.
I know about this illness—very well—because I suffer from it. It’s been four years since my diagnosis, and ever since, I’ve been living in a dark hole. Voices constantly invading my thoughts. Hallucinations. All of which force me to question if what I’m experiencing is even reality.
But here I am, still hanging on, still breathing and living through it.
That is, until he stumbled into my life. Logan Reed. I don’t want any part of him. I’ve pushed him away, but he isn’t easily deterred. I’ve told him I’m different, but he doesn’t care. He’s trying to slowly break me down. I’m trying just as hard not to let him. He doesn’t know how truly damaged I am; what will happen when he does?
I know the truth—he’ll never be able to look at me the same way again. Just like everybody else.
I admit from the book’s description I was a little scared going in but I’m so glad I read this book. I loved this story and E.L. Montes took a subject matter as delicate as mental illness and wrote it with such beauty and realism that I could truly feel the characters pain. The book had so much pain and grief but also so much hope.
“My thoughts are all I have and they’re the last things I want to keep me company. I’m a prisoner of my own mind, trapped with the unknown, angry voices.”
Jenna McDaniels is 21 years old and she suffers from schizoaffective disorder. She has both schizophrenia and depression symptoms. Since she was diagnosed four years ago, Jenna has suffered a constant struggle with the darkness that threatens to consume her. She hears voices, suffers from paranoia, hallucinations, and dark thoughts. It’s hard for her to focus on reality. With her disorder her parents control many aspects of her life. She doesn’t work or go to school and has been in therapy for the past year. The one person that had always been there for and helped her through her illness was her older sister Becca. When Becca died, Jenna spiraled even more into the darkness. Her sister’s death made her already strained relationship with her mother worse and her father threw himself into his work. Jenna’s only outlet had been her painting but it brought out too many of her emotions; it made her feel too much. She wanted to shut out all her feelings and pain. She did want to let anyone in.
“Jenna is the kind of beautiful that can transform a non-believing man like me into a man who wants more.”
When her mother decides to hire contractors to build a guest house, she meets Logan Reed. Logan is twenty-six and works with his uncle and cousin at the construction company working at the McDaniel home. Jenna and Logan have an unusual first meeting and don’t really get along at first. The longer he works on her home the two begin to get closer. Logan, sigh, I absolutely loved him. Logan was cocky, fun, sexy, and such a sweet guy. He made her feel safe and special. He knows that there is something different about Jenna but he wants to get to know her better anyway. He suffered a loss like Jenna’s and made some mistakes in his past. Yet Jenna never judges him for it. Logan never wanted a serious relationship but something about Jenna just kept drawing him to her.
“You saved me from the standstill I lived in for so long.”
I so wanted to see these two together. Jenna started to open up a bit more to Logan but her fear of how he would react to her illness scared her from wanting more. She suffered a lot trying to deal with her illness and her sister’s death. It was heartbreaking to see how much pain her thoughts caused her. She wanted for things to get better but thoughts and her mother kept bringing her down. At times I was so nervous reading because Jenna needed and deserved happiness but at times wasn’t sure how it would all turn out. Other than her mom I really liked all the characters. Jenna’s best friend Charlie was an awesome chick. The way she loved and protected Jenna was amazing. From beginning to end I really enjoyed this book. This wasn’t a quick romance but something you got to see truly develop over time. I loved that you got both Jenna and Logan’s POV.